WWF RAW IS WAR, January 4th, 1999

The show opens with The Corporation in the ring. Vince is talking, but is quickly interrupted by Shawn Michaels and the rest of DX. HBK tells Vince that Austin is entering the Royal Rumble at #1, and Vince is entering at #2. He also says that he has a surprise for Vince, that'll drive him "Stone Cold Crazy"! 

Ken Shamrock vs. Steve Blackman
Wow, two legit shitkickers to start off the in-ring action. Not too shabby. Dan Severn comes out to observe, which increases the already dangerougly high levels of masculinity here. Michael Cole makes a wacky comment about his history with Shamrock "back in the UFC days", as if it was dead and buried at this point. Billy Gunn comes out and takes advantage of a Severn distraction, to hit a Fameasser on Shamrock, which hands the win to Blackman. Fun, physical stuff in the ring here for the few minutes they had. I wasn't happy about Gunn's appearance, but I guess they needed to do something to reduce the manliness levels on display here, or else TV sets around the world may have started to spontaneously sprout testicles.

After the break, Shamrock and Gunn are brawling around backstage. The World's Most Dangerous Man takes care of business, of course.

Mankind is up next! He talks about giving "Mr. Jocko" to Pat Patterson a couple of weeks ago, and says that, in a rugged, manly way, he sort of enjoyed it. I'm sure he wasn't the only one. He talks trash about the McMahons, then asks for a shot at Rock's WWF Title at Royal Rumble. Vince comes out, and tells Foley that he doesn't deserve a shot at the title.  He does, however, give him a shot at entering the Royal Rumble by facing HHH tonight, with Shane McMahon as the special guest referee.

Chyna and "her girlfriend" are seen backstage just before commercial. Good Lord.

Mark Henry vs. Goldust

SEXUAL CHOCOLATE! Not a terrible match, until Chyna and the woman from earlier distract Henry, which allows Goldust to... get himself disqualified with Shattered Dreams! What a mastermind!  Chyna gets in the ring, and tells Henry that the other night with him was incredible. I think I just threw up a little. She introduces Mark to "Sammy" or whatever, and insinuates that they could have a threesome, and Henry passes out.

Dennis Knight is seen hanging by his hands in some torture device, begging for help. Cole and Lawler wonder where he could be. Maybe they should ask the production crew that sent a cameraman out there? Oh well.

The Godfather vs. Test
Val Venis comes out to observe, and Test gets himself DQ'd outside the ring. Venis attacks, and they have a bit of a pull-apart brawl. Nothing match.

Mankind vs. Triple H
Special Guest Referee: Shane McMahon
Shane kicks Foley's hands off the ropes as he tries to block a Sunset Flip, then delivers the fasted three-count ever. Not a bad match while it lasted, but they were basically just killing time until the finish.

Triple H grabs a mic after the match, and apologizes to Foley, but says that a win is a win (and it you're gonna win, then make it a win). Shane raises his hand, then eats a Pedigree. Foley threatens to break Shane's shoulder, and holds him hostage until Vince gives him a No DQ title shot TONIGHT! Sure, that'll put butts in seats...

Edge vs. D'Lo Brown
Edge wrestles like a cruiserweight here, hitting a Headscissor Takedown and a huge Plancha, which is a little weird to see. Brown hits a massive Running Powerbomb, but only gets a 2-count because he waits about 30 seconds before going for the pin. This match is getting really fun, as Brown counters a top rope move from Edge into a big Spinebuster. Then here comes Terri and Jacqueline to fuck everything up! Terri slips off the apron, then clutches at her stomach because she's pregnant or some bullshit! Who needs wrestling when you can have fake miscarriage scares!?

After the break, the light go out in the arena... THAT'SGOTTABEKANE. He's got a Brisco Bros. Body Shop sign stuck to his back! Shane, still in his refs shirt, announces that Kane is facing...

Kane vs. Gerald Brisco & Pat Patterson
The Stooges get killed with Chokeslams, obv.
Kane goes to Chokeslam Shane too, but Vince threatens to send him back to the insane asylum. Brisco and Patterson made this whole thing pretty entertaining by acting like, y'know, stooges.

Dennis Knight is still begging for help somewhere, and the Acolytes appear and tell him that "He" is ready for Knight.

Hardcore Championship: Road Dogg (c) vs. Al Snow
Snow goes for a Moonsault off the guardrail through a table, but Road Dogg moves. Snow gets thrown through a second table up by the entrance ramp, and then gets back on offense maybe 30 seconds later, throwing everything in sight at Road Dogg backstage. Road Dogg tries to use a fire extinguisher against Snow, and just like every other time a wrestler tries to use one, it doesn't work. If there's ever a fire in the locker room, these guys are fucked! They brawl outside, where it's snowing,  and Snow takes a piledriver through a wooden pallet for the three. This was way better than I had expected it to be, even if a lot of the backstage stuff was sort of boring.

We see The Acolytes throw Dennis Knight through a door, then see Shawn Michaels outside the arena, beaten up and bloodied, with his head thrown through a car's windshield, supposedly by the Corporation.

WWF Championship: The Rock (c) vs. Mankind
No Disqualification
DX are out in Foley's corner, and the Corporation are in The Rock's.  Cole and Lawler say that there's going to be a clear winner and loser in this match, instead of the kind of "schmozz" you'll see over in WCW. Pretty ironic given the finish of all but one match on this show thus far.

Rock and Foley brawl around for a while,  with their entourages generally staying out of the action, and Rock getting a near-fall with a People's Elbow. Mankind locks in Mr. Socko, but Ken Shamrock hits him with a steel chair. Billy Gunn takes out Shamrock, and then it's on like Donkey Kong! DX and the Corporation are brawling all around the ring, and then GLASS SHATTERS!

STONE COLD!
STONE COLD!
STONE COLD!

CHAIRSHOT TO ROCKY! FOLEY'S GOT THE PIN! 1, 2, 3! NEW CHAMPION BAH GAWD!!!






Final Thoughts:
I'm guessing that anyone reading this has already seen this main event, so it really goes without saying that the crowd goes absofuckinglutely insane at the end of this thing. This was a great way to end a show that, despite all the screwy finishes and absurd storylines, actually delivered more than it's share of good wrestling.

Hopefully the Raws following this one can give me some less well-remembered, but equally exciting moments as the ending to this show. Oh, and plenty more of Ken Shamrock beating the shit out of people!